I don’t believe in dating just anyone and everyone that comes your way. Or worse, dating unkind, selfish douchebags, intentionally. But as with any relationship, we take risks, some more calculated than others. They say to date someone who brings out the best in you. Yes, I don’t think anyone would disagree. Except, finding someone, that one person, who could do that in your life can feel like digging for a needle in a haystack. Which is why dating is a trial and error period in which both partners learn to cope, live, and laugh with each other and see where the relationship takes them.
So how can dating someone who brings out the worst in you be a good thing, ever?
Okay, please keep in mind when I say “worst” I don’t mean that dating this person leads you to doing drugs or committing crimes and that either of that is a good thing. What I mean is, in your relationship with this person, it isn’t sunshine and butterflies every single day.
Or grilled cheese and pizza. Whichever more accurately depicts your love life.
You two will face disagreements, quarrels, and some form of rage to the point you wish you could just disappear, or better yet, make the other person disappear. At your boiling point(s), you say and do things you wish you could take back.
But here’s the key: regret. You regret because you realize it shouldn’t be. You wish you could rewind and start over. You start to think of all the other bad things you had said and done. And you think, “this isn’t me.” But the reality is it is you. You then begin to think of what you could’ve and should’ve done instead. You make silent promises that next time it will happen differently.
And you’re right, the next time it happened, it did happen differently; it happened worse. And you think, your partner really knows his way around antagonizing you and is intent on making your life miserable.
After repeat incidents of who did what or who didn’t do what, your horns are out and you are in full beast mode. You then start saying and acting in ways that are, again, un-you, yet you are the one saying and doing those things. You are convinced that your partner just brings out the monster in you.
It may be so. But we all still have a choice. Always. We can choose to react in one way or another. Being reactive and acting out is easy. Oh, it is so so easy.
But stepping back, slowly considering the situation, and resolving a conflict in a human way? Not so easy.
So yes, while your partner has brought out the Hulk in you, he, too has brought out a side to you that you may never even had known you had – your thinking head (giving your feeling heart a rest for once), your calm, and center.
Thank your partner; he has just helped you cope.
If we always dated people who only brought out the good in us, how would we ever learn? Relationships aren’t all about figuring out the person, how much we adore or abhor him, but a lot of it (and some would argue all of it) is figuring out and discovering and rediscovering our very selves. Someone pushes you to the edge (we don’t mean literally), you explode. An expected, normal reaction.
But what if next time you are pushed the same way, you remain calm within your center? Wouldn’t that be something? And so the next time someone, intentionally or not, drives you so mad you want to say things that even just thought about will make you regret, you stop and take a step back. Instead of turning green and wiping everything and everyone in your way.
Stay centered, because we always have a choice.